I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
