I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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