Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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