never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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