I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
