I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
