dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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