I'm lost and stupid without you.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
