in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
