Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
