He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
