Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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