yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
someone owes me an orgasm
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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