Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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