you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
