We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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