Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
