i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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