We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
