You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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