After last night, I could never be a politician.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
