i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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