Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
