Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
