I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
