Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
