He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
