that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
