I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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