First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
