I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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