She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
