Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
