don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
