It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
