Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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