Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
