Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
