Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize