There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
