My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
