I need help removing her.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
