Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
