Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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