ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
