I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
