I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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