Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
