Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
