You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
