He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
