Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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