a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
