Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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