Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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