so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
