Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
