this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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