I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
