it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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