im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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