Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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