Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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