Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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