Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
