You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She bit a glass in half.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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