worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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