The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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