We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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