Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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