I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
