I puked a lego.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dude. I can hear the air.
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