Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
