i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
