that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
