can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
