ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
