I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
