i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
