My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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